Motherhood

When I think about how I walk out motherhood everyday I sometimes find that I am disappointed in myself. There are times when I feel like I have it spot on or that I have a plan that will make it better and then there are other times when I feel like I am failing on all sides. That my boat is taking on water and I can't bail out the water fast enough. I know that every mother has feelings of failure from time to time, but that thought never helps in the moment you feel like a failure.

Nothing momentous has happened that has made me doubt whether or not I am doing a good job, but I have an overall feeling of failing with my kids that is weighing heavy on my mind that I can't seem to shake. I think it is a build up of alot of things. Yelling more than normal, not enough patience in the face of requests that would normally never even faze me. An anxiety producing thought that my daughter is 6 and already experiences deep guilt when she is in trouble. Wondering if I have played a role in making that so. Do I put too much pressure on her because she is older? The answer to that I am afraid is yes. Am I raising good kids?

I have read some great books on parenting "The Most Important Place On Earth", "Scream Free Parenting" to name a couple and their messages speak directly to my heart, to the mom I want to be for my kids and feel like I am failing to do. Have I done irreparable damage to them that can't be undone? I know the answer is no, but sometimes it feels like I have and I am not sure what to do with that thought.

I know the answer in my head, tomorrow is a day to do things differently. To make better choices, no one is perfect and your children love you. You are a good mother Peter would tell me and my children tell me they love me all the time.

All that being said, I think some heart searching and prayer is in order for me tonight. I need some quiet time to think, to take these thoughts captive and choose to be the mother I want to be, the mom I know I can be.

The Promise of a Mother's Prayers

I have a devotional book called "The Promise of a Mother's Prayers" and it has been my favorite for years. I have probably gone through it at least 4 different time and am on my 5th. The book is divided into 31 different 2 page devotionals where Scharlotte Rich talks about the real deal of being a mom. She breaks the supermom myth and talks about the reality of what every mom struggles with patience, unconditional love . . . all the time. Here are a couple of the prayers that are included that have really stuck with me these last few days.

This one was after a devotional on what legacy you will pass onto your children:

Lord, thank you for the new legacy you have given me as your child of grace. Help me pass the things you have taught me on to my children so they can start a little ahead of where I was. Give me you wisdom as I raise them. Help me understand their strengths and teach them to follow you.

I pray for my children, that you would break any hold past sins and family weaknesses would have on them. Let what has been hidden come to light. Put your wall of protection around them. Grow their strengths and give them courage to walk in your ways, even though sometimes they will have to walk a differnt path from their friends and acquaintances. Give them hearts that are soft toward the things that matter to you. Prevent any ungodly legacies from being passed on to them. Please give each child a special gift that he or she can use for your glory and pass on as a new legacy.

After a devotional on not being a "perfect mom":

Thank you Father God, that your love is not based on my performance. Please open my eyes to any ways I may have unintentionally placed unrealistic expectations on my children. Please replace my worries with faith in you. Please help my children learn that you are trustworthy and that your love is on based on their performance.

i just loved these two, so I thought I would share. I have to say there is nothing more powerful than praying for your children and seeing what you have prayed for grow in them.