The refrigerator

So I bought a refrigerator off of craigslist (from a used appliance store in St. Pete). Not a bad deal, until it stopped working a week after I bought it. So today I called the guy who sold it to me and told him I would like my money back less the delivery charge and he could come and get the fridge. I cannot tell you how totally scared I was, like I was getting ready to give a formal address to a million people or something. So I am shaking in my boots trying to tell this man I would like my money back, the question is why? I still can't figure out why I was such a mess about asking for my money back when the fridge he sold me broke after a week?
The strange thing is I seem to have this problem in other areas too, like car repairs, I swear I feel like I'm 10 years old instead of a grown woman with two children that can ask questions and refuse things if I feel they are up to the standard I want.
Talking to this guy today, the feelings I felt inside were the same type of butterflies as when I was a child and I had to go ask a grown up that I didn't know for something, like a refill on my drink, or excuse me can you tell me where the bathroom is? I think I need to work on this because it is bugging me. I'm an adult for crying out loud? What am I exactly afraid of?

The Fair

So we took the kids to a mini fair tonight. We had intentions to go the Strawberry Festival, but the traffic was ridiculous, so we pulled into the mall and there was a little carnival there. The kids had a blast. I am always amazed at how riding the same 6 rides over and over that all just seem to go around in a circle essentially (Elephants in a circle, train in a circle, cars in a circle, dragons in a circle) thrill them to no end. But 3 hours, 2 corn dogs, 2 stuffed seals, and 2 happy children later we are home! Not a bad night.

Complicated

When did life get so complicated? I must have missed the memo that said things are going to get complicated so hold on tight and sometimes I feel totally unprepared?

Jewelry

I have no idea who reads this blog, however I am going to proselytize my jewelry business for one short moment. My calendar is severly low on shows (which pays for Grace's school tuition) and I really need to add 2 shows to my calendar in order to be on track. So if you would just love to have me over with some of your girlfriends and get some free jewelry in the process, I am available, I do travel for shows, and you would be doing me a huge favor in the process!

Okay, campaigning for shows over and on to the deep questions of life, like how in the world do every pair of socks my kids own get filthy dirty on the bottom? Why does my son always seem to be out of underwear? and why is it that one load of kids clothes seem to take forever to fold? How do kids get a stain on all their "nice" clothes, but play clothes seem to stay pristine? Why do girls change clothes so often? And why are my kids so quiet??????????

Poker

My family and I celebrated my brother's 24th birthday on Friday. We played some Texas Hold'em poker. I have to say I am a terrible poker player. I never know if I have anything, and can't seem to keep up with the bets. I did however have a lot of fun playing. I have to say there is something really liberating when you push in all your chips and say "All In" even if you have no idea if you have anything worth saying that.

Pictures of the Past

So I was looking for a picture on the computer and as I was going through them, I was reminded of how much my babies have grown. So I had to share a few of my favorites.

Bye Bye Diapers and other little tid bits

Benjamin Joseph Dell is officially potty trained!!! That means bye bye diapers in the Dell household. I am not sad to leave them behind. And I can't tell you how adorable Ben is running around in his little underoo briefs! He is growing up to be such a sweet little boy.

Speaking of sweet boys. Peter and I went to see the play Frost Nixion. I got dressed up (I do not often wear an actual dress, so definitely a big deal) and when I came out of the bathroom in my dress, Ben was sitting on the floor playing with a pile of pencils, he looked up and said, "Pretty dress mama." Yes, he melted my heart, and yes I got a little teary eyed.

Temper

So I have a tendency to sometimes lose my cool with my little ones. I am going to do better at counting to 10, taking a breather, and staying calm so I can see them for who they really are - a 4 year old and a 2 year old, who are learning and growing everyday soaking up every move I make so that they know how to be adults themselves. I so often feel like I want them to leave behind their baby ways and throw away their plate without being asked, pick up after themselves, and not bother me when I am on a business phone call. However, I think those are unfair expectations of them. They are so young and still learning all that, they will have the rest of their lives to be grown ups. I know I need to relish this baby time, because before I know it they won't be kids anymore and I will want back that snuggle time. I will wish I spent more time cuddling and playing and less time nit picking.

Cool

So this conversation happened with Grace today. She is growing up too fast. I am not ready for cool, I haven't had enough of innocent sweetness.

Grace: I love the Jonas Brothers, they are so cool.
Me: Really what exactly makes them cool?
Grace: Just look at them, they are totally cool.
Me: Why?
Grace: Mom, they are totally rocking out on stage!
Me: What about Hannah Montana?
Grace: She rocks it out too, she's cool.
Me: What about Belle?
Grace: Well, she sings good, but she doesn't rock it out, she just sings princess songs.
Me: (Dancing around) Is this rocking it out?
Grace: No you have to sing too.
Me: (Dancing and singing Twinkle, Twinkle) Now am I rocking it out?
Grace: (Laughing and smiling) uh . . . Yeah (Not very convincing)
Grace: Singing the ABC song more like a rap than the regular way) This is rocking it out, I totally rock it out mom, see?

I am not ready for rocking it out, cool, or any of that. I need a few more years to prepare, thank goodness she doesn't like boys yet, I don't think I could handle that.

Facebook

Okay, so I had my first confrontation on facebook today over something totally ridiculous. I swear people can get some real courage when they don't have to look at you face to face.

So, I wrote a comment to a note that someone wrote, you know those 25 random things note that have been going around. Anyway, on her note she said that she has always dreamed of becoming a teacher. I said, that she should totally do it and that if public school had more great teachers like I know she would be, it would be better off. And to let me know when she got her degree so Ben and Grace could be in her class. The comment was meant to encourage a woman to pursue her dream of teaching, not to slam the teaching profession of which I am a part of and plan to return to once the kids are in school.

So this girl who I don't know, how convenient for her, writes she doesn't like confrontation, but has not trouble expressing how she feels and goes into this diatribe about how the best people she knows are teachers and they work so hard (like I don't already know that), and if society would embrace teachers, kids would be better off.

Obviously this tirade was meant for me in regards to my comment. So in the interest of clarifying what I meant I wrote back that I know there are great people in public school, and just like there are great people, there are also those that aren't and I simply wanted to encourage Katie to pursue her dream.

What I didn't say in the interest of being rational was, Hey, get off your high horse, I was and still plan to return to being a teacher and while I have worked with some amazing women I have also worked with some women that I would never want to teach my kids and if you think every person who enters into the teaching field is a gem who society should embrace then you have lost your mind. I don't even want to mention all the teachers in the news who have not been above reproach and all the women who have been in the field so long they are resistant to change even though it may be better for our children. My note was meant to encourage HELLO, how about you do the same.

Or maybe a simple BITE ME would have worked too.