Saying Goodbye

Goodbye. Such a simple word that people use so often. It comes in lots of forms, bye, have a nice day, see you later, touch base with you soon, but no matter the words, they all mean the same thing, someone is leaving.

As an Army spouse I am no stranger to these words and neither is my family. Between deployments, trainings, and just regular duty requirements, we tell each other good bye more times than the average family does. Today is one of those days.

We have had a fantastic four days with Peter here in San Antonio, and as much as I want to stay and be right here when he gets out of class, go to dinner with him each night and sleep cuddled up right next to him, schedules just won’t allow it and we are on the road this evening headed back to Oklahoma. Even though we are still together for the rest of the day, there is a heaviness, an air of sadness that clouds these final activities before we head out.

I have often wondered if goodbyes get easier, if enough times it becomes old hat and doesn’t cause the same feelings. I look around at other Army spouses and they seem to handle each deployment, training, and TDY with such grace. But I have come to a realization, the answer is no. It will not and does not get easier, goodbyes will always be clouded with sadness, heartache, and heaviness. No matter how many times you say goodbye and for how long the goodbye is for they hurt.

Why?

Because my family is designed to work with the four of us together functioning as a unit. To rely on each other for needs, wants, and desires. When one of us is absent whether it be for a day, a month, a year, the family has to adjust to something it isn’t designed to be. It is no longer performing at its optimum, sure we still function, but not with all cylinders firing.

I realize there should always be a longing to be reunited as one family and if that longing is lost, then there is a bigger problem, somewhere my family is broken and needs some adjustment. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t walk around with a frowny face, tears always in my eyes, and unable to function in society. Part of what it means to be an army spouse is to continue to live life, to move about doing things that make you happy and sharing the joys and heartache together with your spouse whether they are 900 or 9,000 miles away.

There was a time when I lost sight of this, I thought that enough time away the longing would and should go away, and that was normal. What I know today is that when separation occurs in our family, no matter the length or distance, I don’t want that longing to go away, I hold onto it with great fervor and know that it is a sign of love and connectedness between our family. It is that feeling of longing and the promise of a reuniting that makes it possible to walk each day apart, yet together.

And on a personal note (cause I know you check this love):

Honey, I love you and my heart longs for you. I will miss you every minute that you are gone and await your return. That feeling of longing for you is one that I cherish, and know exactly what it means and that you feel the same thing for me. I promise you to hold onto that feeling and never let it go – ever. You, and only you are my knight in shining armor, my hero, the love of my life, and the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Thank you for loving me completely and sticking with me through the good and the bad.