Gross

My little man Ben is a great eater. He will try just about anything, loves just about everything and rarely says no to an unknown food item. He is the type of eater that every mother loves to have, not picky and willing to at the very least give it a try.

Now with this adventurous eating personality there is another side that you may not be aware of and that is the self creation of food dishes.

Ben loves "sauce" better know as ranch, ketchup, or mustard on EVERYTHING. No I am not exaggerating when I say everything, I mean pancakes, eggs, fruit, mac and cheese, hot dogs, vegetables, everything he eats must have a sauce with it on his plate and he really doesn't care which one you choose for him, just a sauce. I hae seen him use yogurt as a sauce, mayonaise on occasion if there isn't anything else.

Recently he has developed a dish called cheez-it soup. Which is cheez-its or goldfish with apple juice poured over the top. (Yes that equates to soggy disinegrating cheez-its in a bowl of cold apple juice.)

Another infamous Ben drink is orange soda and coke mixed together or milk and coke mixed together. (I made him quit the last one with the milk, I was too afraid it would make a reappearance later and I was NOT interested in cleaning it up.)

His latest creation today was baked beans, hot dogs and cantaloupe mixed together. I get the beanie-weenie part, but he lost me at the cantaloupe.

Maybe one day this fascination with mixing foods will end by him being an illustrious chef with a famous restaurant, but for right now I am staying away from his creations. I prefer not to throw up.

30

So I turned 30 yesterday. It was a very unmomentous kind of day. Other than now when people ask me how old I am I have to say 30 everything seems to feel the same. I do have to say that saying you are 30 does seem very adult. No more I'm in my 20's, no more being a "young mother." Now I guess I am home free until I get to 40, now that seems older. Like if I haven't gotten it together by the time I am 40, it may never happen. The scary thing is that is only 10 years away. Ask me 10 years ago and 10 years seems like forever, ask me now and 10 years seems very short. To think that in 10 years I will have 2 teenagers? Totally weird to even look at my babies and realize that. Well the next decade will be filled with alot of changes so I guess I better start to prepare now.

The Little Things

You know, as I go through my day I am, due to the absence of my husband, constantly assaulted by the little things in life that I miss every day and those that I have taken for granted.

I miss having someone tell me they love my cooking and wonder why we ever go out to eat.

I miss someone saying in their southern drawl, "Hey Baby, I'm home."

I miss seeing big clunky Army boots and a uniform somewhere in our bedroom.

I miss having someone who gets my humor (3 and5 year olds don't).

I miss having someone get onto me about the van being on 0 miles because they are concerned with my safety.

I miss the fun of a 10 oclock run to the Orange Leaf Ice Cream Place

I miss someone to tell me that I am beautiful when I feel fat and ugly.

I miss someone to listen to me gripe about a meeting or an interaction that I have.

I miss cleaning up the bathroom of shaving cream and toothpaste and gel before I can brush my own teeth.

I miss the comfort of knowing that if I have a flat tire I have someone to call.

I miss having someone want to hold me, instead of someone wanting me to hold them.

I miss playing sequence and hand and foot at night.

I miss having someone to sit with at church.

I miss not having any of his laundry to fold.

I could go on forever it seems like, there are so many ways that I miss him. So for everyone else out there. Take the time today to appreciate the little things about the one you love. Even the things you don't think you appreciate like cleaning up after them, laundry, and the like. Because even though they seem like hassles now, if they were absent from your life, you would miss them. I know I do.

Teeth

I have a confession to make . . . I hate loose teeth. I think they are totally gross. I don't like wiggling them, I don't like the way the gums look when they are gone, and I don't like the way teeth look when they are growing back in, yuck. The whole process is totally disgusting to me.

Luckily my loose teeth days are over, however, my daughters are just beginning. I took her for a cleaning and they showed me that her bottom tooth was loose and going to come out soon. I cringed. I checked Grace's tooth tonight while I brushed her teeth and it is really loose. So my problem is I don't think I can pull it out, just thinking about it gives me goosebumps. I am scared to death that I am going to grab hold of it and yank and it is not going to come out and then what? Ugh, I am going to have to google this or something, any volunteers to be the tooth puller?

Lost It

So what do you do when you have totally lost it with your kids. You have flown off the handle, your upset, they are upset, and you're not sure how to take a step back and look at the reality of the situation. You have gone so far over the edge that climbing back out seems harder than just staying mad?

I found out the answer today, slowly but surely you calm down, apologize, try to mend the hurt in them, explain in rational tones why you were upset, and take back the consequence you gave letting them know you are human too and you just made a huge mistake and ask for their forgiveness.

I hate it when I have to learn the hard way. Lesson learned.

T***h

Trash . . . it's like a four letter word, I hate taking it out. The words MOOOM, the trash is full and falling on the floor, I can't throw away my juice box is almost like a curse word to me. And amazingly I hear those words at least once, a lot of times twice a day. I wonder what is in that trash can?? How does it fill up so fast? I just don't get it, what is getting thrown away? I don't like taking it out of the can (usually because it is overfull and spills everywhere), I don't like taking it outside, I don't like remembering to take it to the road on Mon. and Thurs.

I had several people offer up their help if I needed it while Peter was gone, do you think it would be too much to call them to take out my trash? Probably overkill, I will have to just grin and bear it. If only Ben were older. Until then I am stuck as the trash taker outer at the Dell house ugh.

Lightbulbs

So amazingly every single lightbulb in the kitchen is blown with the exception of the one under cabinet light by the door. So I think no problem I will just take out the bulbs take them to Picerne (housing office) and get some replacements no big deal, right? WRONG!

All the under cabinet lights are flourescent lights, so I am pulling on them and looking for some type of release button to no avail. At one point I am tugging so hard I am concerned I am going to break them. In case you haven't guessed I have never changed a flourescent bulb before we have always had the ones that just screw in, the regular 40-watts.

So I give up realizing if I can't change the under cabinet ones I definitely am not going to be able to climb up to the ceiling and get out the big ones. At this point I am totally frustrated because the kitchen is dark and I have to call Picerne to schedule a maintenance appointment just to change lightbulbs (they can't come out for a week)which feels ridiculous I mean I have a college degree for crying out loud I should be able to do this.

So I am about to look it up on the world wide web and get some answers when I get a call from the hubs. I mention the problem and he says in a very matter of fact way, just twist it and it should come loose. I twist and he is right, comes right out no problem. Unfortunately that still doesn't solve the problem that I don't have a ladder and I am not tall enough to get to the ceiling, but at least I can get the ones under the cabinets changed and have some light in the kitchen.

So thanks babe! you came to my rescue even though you are 3,000 miles away!

2am Is Not My Friend

So I have yet to get to bed before 2am since Peter left. It is just impossible to unwind at night without him around it seems. I didn't realize what calm he brought until he wasn't here. So instead I find it impossible to shut down the endless list of things that need to get done, or what tomorrow holds, etc. Which in turns makes me tired in the morning making me not want to do anything on my list. It is a vicious cycle.

It is totally weird to watch movies by myself, to crawl into an empty bed, okay maybe not empty, I have been letting the kids sleep in our bed temporarily. But the house just isn't the same without Peter, which is the way it should be I guess. An integral part of our house is gone and without him there is a hole.

Ican't wait to spend lots of money on plane tickets to Germany when he comes home next year. But until then, we make the most of some really great mommy and kids time!

Chores

Chores always seem like a good idea. I give the kids chores, they do them, that is less work for me, everyone is happy. No, instead chores require alot of management when the kids are 3 and 5. Making sure they put their stickers on the right day, reminding them of their chores answering questions about how it has to be done, when it has to be done, dealing with crying when they forget and can't get the sticker. I almost would rather just clean the room myself it seems at times.

However, we are soldiering on and will continue with the chores, why, because it teaches character, responsibility, money management and a bunch of other things that are beneficial for kids. And for me it teaches patience when have to explain that brushing your teeth includes not making a giant water/toothpaste mess all over the bathroom, cleaning out under your bed is part of cleaning you room, and just telling Benjamin what to do is not helping to clean the playroom.

So I guess we all learn something that we need to work on.

Missing My Soldier

So he's gone, he left today to meet up with his unit for a year long deployment. Surprisingly, the kids handled it really well. Grace laughed more than she cried, and well Ben, is Ben and just goes with the flow. I think we had talked about it with Grace so much that she was ready. We also opted not to take him to the airport, but instead said goodbye at home. I think that helped too.
In all honesty, I think I took it harder than anyone else. I really thought I would be able to "man up" and be the strong one for the kids, but instead they were the ones who took it in stride. I don't think I have cried so much in a really long time.
I still find myself doing little things out of habit that remind me that he isn't coming home for a while, like I took out four plates for dinner tonight until I realized there were only three of us. When I cleaned the bathroom I put all of Peter's toiletries in the corner of the counter so he can get ready in the morning until I realized he won't be getting ready in the morning at home for a long while. It's almost as if my mind doesn't want to make the shift that he's really gone for a year.
I spent most of today taking care of a sick little boy and missing my husband. Tomorrow is a new day and its time to make the most of this year, to take the opportunity to grow and improve areas of my life. However, it doesn't change the fact that his pillow still smells like him and I will continue to miss his presence until he returns home.